November 23, 2006

If there’s one thing I’ve tried to do with this blog, it’s to try and be honest and as much as possible, to simply relate my feelings and thoughts ‘unfiltered’. I’ve realised that there’s been a bit of a gap however, since I haven’t really discussed my faith much. There have been some hints perhaps, but nothing explicit. This has probably been in order not to alienate readers who would find it hard to relate to that part of my life, but since it’s so central, it seems odd to leave it out.


The fact is, in those times when I am teetering on the brink of all out panic – when I’m confused, apprehensive, and uncertain about what the future will bring, it’s my faith in God that pulls me back from the brink. I’m not sure if that’s a particularly useful picture however. I’ve been reading a great book by Martin Laird on silent contemplation, and one of the chapters describes the process of moving from being a ‘victim’ of feelings, to being a ‘witness’. So in fact, when I’m nervous and fearful about fatherhood, I’m not so much denying these very real emotions, but not being controlled by them. Observing them, not being driven by them.


So God is my peace, and the ultimate answer to when, as I wrote previously, I am feeling “in the deep”.


To be continued…


One Response to “faith”

  1. tracie said

    Often times my husband and I thank God for his grace, especially when it comes to parenthood. There are so many moments of self doubt and insecurity. “Am I messing up this poor child’s life? How can I help develop the creative and curious being that he/she is? When do I discipline? When do I allow him/her to explore and discover?” Funny how God trusts us enough with these precious ones. That may be real faith in action.
    At any rate, we are enjoying reading about your journey.

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