you were always on my mind

October 18, 2006

You know when you have something on your mind, and suddenly, everything you do seems to remind you of this particular situation? Well, that’s what’s been happening with me lately. The other day, for example, I went to help out a friend with a bit of garden work. At lunchtime we all traipsed into his house to grab a bite to eat with his family, and his little five year old girl, who still remembers me from when I used to baby-sit for them, engaged me in conversation from start to finish. And I just loved it. I think I’ve always liked children in this way, or at least, as long as I can remember. Sitting there, having this earnest conversation about something completely crazy, I just couldn’t help thinking about all the future chats I’m going to be having with Little Me. Of course, at this stage, I don’t know if it’s going to be a boy or a girl. But either way, I am anticipating having these heart-to-hearts about how much mayonnaise you can really put in a bread roll while keeping the whole thing edible, or about the logistics of digging a hole so deep, you reach Australia.


That wasn’t it though. In the evening of the same day, I went with a couple of friends to the cinema, to see this film called ‘Children of Men’. I won’t bore you with all the plot details, but the dramatic tension largely focuses around a young pregnant refugee girl who is the first woman to successfully conceive a child for decades, the action set in a chaotic future world of violence and social disintegration. The film was ok, sure, but during the birth scene I became incredibly wound up and tense, squirming in my seat, and almost holding my breath, willing for the birth to go without a hitch. And in my mind I was sitting in a maternity hospital room, watching a new life move and cry between my hands, and I thought that, barring any mishaps God forbid, the passage of time was leading me inevitably to this moment. And if that doesn’t sound too light and cheery, that’s because as amazing as it surely is, it’s also really scary.


One Response to “you were always on my mind”

  1. rae said

    Please keep going – so good to hear about this from the man’s perspective!

    Thank you.

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