the beginning

October 12, 2006

First of all, let me confess that this is not my idea at all. A friend of mine recently suggested that I keep a journal of everything I am thinking and feeling about being a prospective father, and who knows, maybe other people might like to read it too. So I am. And strictly speaking, I am going to have to back track a little, because the pregnancy is already over three months gone as I start to write this, and so at some points, this journal will be about the past, before moving on to the present, and then the future. But there’s no guarantee that this will be a linear progression, by any means, and in fact, I might end up darting all around the timeline, back and forth, perhaps even looking back into my own childhood.

I guess I want to try and keep it relatively focussed, to avoid irrelevancies and potential rambling, so the common theme uniting everything I will write will be fatherhood. Within that, however, it’s wide open. Maybe I will even see about including something from famous fathers, a kind of words of wisdom along the way, but there’s a risk that this would then become something akin to a compilation of Christmas cracker style proverbs. I will also, as previously mentioned, look back at my own experiences of being ‘fathered’, and perhaps the experiences of my friends as well. Of course, I am not an expert, and nor really can there be such a thing as ‘an expert’. We men (and I must confess that it is both strange and exhilarating to write that) might become fathers several times over, and gain experience along the way about how to do it better next time, but let’s face it, even the most prolific of us only get a few throws of the dice. And what’s more, each child is so marvellously, frustratingly, scarily unique, that what morsels of lessons are picked up along the way will not amount to very much when you’re faced with a particularised dilemma of some sort.

This doesn’t seem to be a very grand introduction, but then, this is not a very grand enterprise. It is simply one man, who is expecting to become a father in six months time, writing down some of his thoughts and feelings about everything. Anyone could do it; this just happens to be me. As I write, I’m not sure whether this will be anonymous or not. Of course, by the time you read this, you will know the answer, and whether there’s an accompanying tasteful publicity shot of my face (I hope not). Anonymity might be advantageous for A and it might also be better for our future child, since I’m not sure what I would have felt if I grew up realising that my father shared his feelings with the world prior to my birth. But, you’re not the world, you’re probably a few thousand (at best) fellow fathers (and maybe mothers) who fancied reading something by someone who is going through a similar experience.

That’s it for now.


2 Responses to “the beginning”

  1. tracie said

    Yes, it is good to protect the anonymity of your wife and child. I think someday you will be glad you did.
    This is a great site. Thanks for sharing it with us.

  2. […] Right at the very beginning of this blog, I remarked on how I might at some stage look back on my own childhood. Thus far this is not something I’ve really done, but recently I’ve been thinking more about what kind of foundations for fatherhood are laid by our own experiences of being fathered. […]

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